How to Cope When a Partner or Spouse Has Borderline Personality Disorder

It is challenging to have a relationship with a person that has borderline personality disorder BPD , especially since one of the hallmarks of the disorder is unstable relationships. Yet, if your partner has the disorder, you probably want to do everything you can to maintain the relationship. While dating someone with borderline personality disorder may seem nearly impossible at times, there are ways you can facilitate the relationship with that person without having to go on the rollercoaster ride with them as they oscillate between extremes in behavior and mood. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend with borderline personality disorder, dating them means that you will have to find a way to manage your behaviors so you can manage their behaviors. Coming up with strategies for dealing with your partner’s extreme behaviors will help you keep your sanity. For example, if your partner accuses you of not caring about him, you can walk away rather than crying.

Tips for managing BPD symptoms in relationships

Triggers are particular events or situations that immediately exacerbate or intensify symptoms. These events can be external or internal. The most common BPD triggers are relationship triggers. Many people with BPD have a high sensitivity to abandonment and can experience intense fear and anger, impulsivity, self-harm, and even suicidality in relationship events that make them feel rejected, criticised or abandoned.

Communication tips. It’s important to recognize when it’s safe to start a conversation. If your loved one is raging, verbally abusive, or making physical threats, now.

Romantic relationships are difficult enough without mental illness entering the equation. But when one or both of the people involved has borderline personality disorder BPD , relationships can become sheer hell. I live with BPD and was once in a romantic relationship with a man who had BPD and bipolar disorder ; it was probably the biggest mistake I ever made. That said, I learned a lot from it. Not only can people with BPD be manipulative, but they can be easily manipulated.

My ex controlled my life, and I let it happen because I thought I was in love with him. He had a facial expression that caused me to give in every time. He also convinced me I was trying to manipulate him. He was a master con artist who referred to me as “the fiancee from hell”–and I believed it. I put up with a lot from him because he had me convinced I was the problem. People with BPD may not always realize they’re being manipulative. It may not even be their intention. I sincerely believe my ex was trying to meet his needs the only way he knew how.

Dating someone with bpd

So please bear with me. I met this girl a few months back, we met at work and the moment we saw each other, we just got this vibe. She smiled at me and introduced herself and I knew then and there I wanted to be with her.

Things said about the classical sense of times, communication, my mom has borderline personality disorder, about the closest i love my area! Dating someone​.

You might notice these symptoms are all related to relationships—with others and herself. This is not a coincidence. Intense relationships, fraught with conflict, are the hallmark of BPD. Your stable, reassuring presence in the life of someone experiencing BPD can help them get better. Here are some suggestions on how to further provide effective support, straight from people who live with BPD. BPD is not an easy condition to treat, but it is treatable. Once they are in treatment, learn the language of that program and use it to offer support in times of need.

For example: Learn the basics of the four skills of DBT—mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance and emotion regulation—and how you can help your loved one practice them. Someone with BPD may go out of their way to do things for you and make you happy because they want to receive love and affirmation in return. You can combat this by showing your loved one you appreciate them and the things they do to make you happy.

Individuals living with BPD are often looking for honest validation and love—so if you feel it, be open about it. We will get through this and I support you.

Recognising BPD triggers

The new site update is up! Dating someone with BPD? As someone who grew up around an unpredictable and emotionally and physically abusive mother, I’m fairly used to chaos and irrationality from people close to me, but I’ve never had to deal with any where close to this from somebody I’ve been in a relationship with.

She seems to have it more or less under control, except when she drinks. I didn’t really get this until the second time we went out drinking and it ended in tears and accusations. But even when she is not drinking, there is a constant “Love Me, Leave Me” struggle where she is demanding of constant affirmations of her worth and if I don’t respond and even if I do respond , it ends up with her saying how worthless she is, I don’t love her enough and that I’m going to leave her.

Only that person can do that. Your goal is simply to communicate in a way that respects you and the personal with borderline personality disorder (BP). 2. Leave if.

Copyright Singapore Press Holdings Ltd. Regn No E. All rights reserved. Jody has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for over a year and believes he shows signs of Borderline Personality Disorder BPD although he has never been professionally diagnosed. No one has ever shown me more love, nor caused me more pain.

People with BPD experience an ongoing cycle of instability in their self-image, moods, and behaviour. These symptoms can lead to impulsive and self-destructive actions , and problems with interpersonal relationships.

What You Need to Know About Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationships

People with borderline personality disorder BPD often have rocky relationships, both romantic and platonic. Romantic relationships present a unique set of challenges for people with BPD and for their partners. For example, a person with BPD may be affectionate and doting, but within a few hours, their emotional state may switch.

They may feel smothered or overwhelmed.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder, this seesawing between love and hate creates tremendous.

I encourage my clients to think about their goals when it comes to dating and even marriage—even early in treatment. Because a life worth living means creating or cultivating healthier relationships, I want for my clients to have the tools they need to accomplish this important goal. Creating healthier and lasting relationships always starts with us—not the other person. Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations in relationships.

If you are looking for the perfect person to make everything all better, you may be in for a very long wait. In my experience, being in love or being loved does not make everything all better. Other people cannot do the hard work that it takes to recover from borderline personality disorder, depression, anxiety, or another mental health diagnosis. Many of these attributes can also be important indicators of healthy relationships with friends and even work colleagues.

Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Have you started dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder? Was your partner recently diagnosed with BPD? Do you think your significant other may have a disorder — BPD or maybe even something else? People with BPD often struggle with their romantic relationships. Both partners in the relationship tend to face a unique set of challenges stemming from a personality disorder.

Many symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder can trigger sudden changes in emotions and reactions.

A woman with borderline personality disorder writes about the cycle of dating she goes through.

Some of the comments hit home because, from an early age, I have had an extremely tempestuous love life, but I also know it can work if both partners learn to understand each other. This is a hard concept to explain to a healthy person, who may have only ever felt something close to this when someone they love passes away, or they lose something they hold dear in their life. People with BPD, even in their happiest periods, experience this pervasive feeling of emptiness almost every day, and often they try and fill this with things that stimulate them.

Personally, the only thing that gives me true happiness is other people, which is why BPD is a cruel illness — because most people who suffer from it are gregarious, true people lovers, but they struggle to maintain close relationships because of their illness. When you finally meet the person who sets your world on fire, it feels incredible.

You want to spend every minute of the day with them because you find them so interesting, so much fun, and so enjoyable to be around.

what to do if someone you love has BPD


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